For many, a new pregnancy is a source of joy, excitement, and anticipation. An unplanned or unexpected pregnancy, however, can be an altogether different experience. You’re likely to be scared, confused, upset, and under a great deal of stress. During this time it’s important to remember that you’re not the first woman in the world to go through this experience (nor will you be the last); that you do have options; and that there are many good support systems out there to help you through.
First things first: a personal assessment
The most important thing is to sit down and spend some time thinking about, and preferably writing down, how you feel about your pregnancy. You may find yourself angry, either at yourself, at the baby’s father, or at both, for your getting pregnant. You may be terrified of the unknown that a pregnancy represents, especially a first. Your thoughts may be an onslaught of unanswered questions. Can you support a child? Can you nurture it throughout its development and growth? Will you be a single parent? You may also be fearful, but excited – maybe this pregnancy, although unexpected, is something you’ve wanted for awhile but just hadn’t planned so soon. At this stage, none of these questions may be answerable, and they don’t need answers: the most important first step is to be clear in your mind what your greatest sources of anxiety are about your unexpected pregnancy.
Answering your own questions
Once you have a good list of your major questions and sources of anxiety, arrange them into a list of priorities. What’s bothering you the most? Try to tackle your list one at a time. This way, you won’t get overwhelmed by trying to solve all the issues or answer all of your questions at once. One of the first questions may be whether to proceed with your pregnancy, or not. You have three basic options:
- You can go ahead with the pregnancy, and keep the baby (whether this will mean being a single parent, co-parenting with the father, or raising the baby within a relationship can be decided later)
- You can go ahead with the pregnancy, and have someone else adopt and raise the child
- You can terminate the pregnancy through abortion
Take some time with each option. Imagine yourself having chosen that course of action. Think about your intuitive feelings surrounding it; if you have strong moral objections to abortion, then adoption may be a better option if you don’t feel you can raise the child on your own or with the father. Maybe you’re unable to imagine someone else raising your child, or don’t feel that an adoption is the right course of action for you – then you may be more open to terminating the pregnancy, and choosing another time in the future to have a child (if you decide to do so). You may also feel instinctively that while the future looks scary and uncertain, you will be able to provide a healthy, nurturing environment in which to raise your child. These are all intensely personal decisions and ones that you should take some time to mull over, often over several days.
If you feel that termination of your pregnancy is the best option for you, remember that earlier is better in terms of safety and your health. It also may be emotionally easier for you to terminate a very early pregnancy than if you wait until later; on the other hand, don’t feel that you should rush to make a decision. Make an appointment as soon as possible to talk to your doctor about the different options.
Talk to someone
Speaking with a trusted and supportive friend, a close family member, a family counselor, your doctor, or the baby’s father can help you to clarify your options and feelings. Remember, though, that each will have his or her own opinions and experiences, and will give you advice or feedback based on these. This is why it’s a good idea to be clear in your mind about what you’re feeling most anxious or fearful about, and what you feel are your best options. Then you can assess their feedback in light of what you already know about how you feel, rather than having to assess your feelings through what others have said or how they have responded to your news. Remember that it will be you, and your child, that ultimately will be affected the most by your decisions.
Keep in mind that there are likely to be more options available than you’ve thought of on your own. Talking with others can help you to think about different possibilities that you might not have considered.
Take care of yourself
During this time it is important that you look after your own health. Abstain from drugs, alcohol, smoking, caffeine, and unhealthy foods that can harm the developing baby; the first trimester is when the fetus is most sensitive to what you take into your body. Make sure to take a good multivitamin, especially one that contains supplemental folic acid, which is important in development of the embryo’s neural tube. Get lots of sleep, if you aren’t already; this will help you to maintain a balanced emotional and mental state while you’re making decisions. Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet full of whole grains, lots of vegetables, and lean sources of protein. If you decide to keep the baby, these measures will be extremely important in helping it grow and develop into a healthy child, and will help you to maintain your own health. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy, having a good diet, plenty of sleep, and abstaining from addictive substances will help you to maintain your emotional and mental balance while dealing with the difficult and intense emotions that arise.
Conclusion
Taking the right steps early on in an unexpected pregnancy can help you to make decisions that are the right ones for both you and your baby. While it is undoubtedly a highly stressful and emotional time, looking after your physical and mental health will enable you to deal with your pregnancy in a way that is the most appropriate for you, and your baby.
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